Thoughts Come And Go. Feelings Stay.

Lately my mind and my heart have been so full.
A thousand thoughts that give birth to new feelings.
One feeling of my heart that will spawn the creation of a thousand thoughts.
The consolidation of previous wounds and holes into one large gap which creates the expanse between feeling alive and feeling dead,
the gap being big enough to fit only myself.

It's amazing how love amplifies every feeling, making dreams into reachable reality.
The blocks that so often deter me from reaching higher potential now belong in the reach of my outstretched hand.
My heart that once would feel content with present goals and with a present purpose,
now aches for the other heart to bind itself to, that perhaps,
just maybe,
it's purpose for beating, for living, extends to a greater purpose.

My brain exhausts itself trying to make sense of the "why",
the "who" having been decided much earlier on.
Surely there must be a reason why I feel this way?
Songs that speak of sunsets, and stars finally finding their designed space in constellations in the heavenly firmament,
surely I can belong? With her?
Divine feeling that reach beyond mortal desires and wants.
There must be a purpose for such feelings.
I know that I have never felt this way.
A truth I don't know if you believe.

In moments of reflection I shut my eyes.
My steady breathing fills my lungs, but I still seem to gasp for air.
It's a surprise to me I feel this way.
That she could have such an effect upon me.
But I should have known, with a girl like her.

My heart feels sore.
Strained by the constant demands I've put upon it.

I am glad I feel this way.
I guess it is proof that those countless moments, where my heart reverberated against my chest
at the touch of your hand,
the sound of your voice at the other end of the line,
and the feeling of your lips finding mine,
and the resolve to see that you come to no harm,
the faith that I could swallow up every pain,
every moment of self-doubt,
and you could find peace being held in my arms,
were not just equated to butterflies, whose life-span extend only as long as my interest.

I know I must let you go.

Feelings of absolute pain and joy which occur at the same time,
as if a blissful nightmare could exist.
Having the ability to see, but choosing to close my eyes.

Irony strikes as I realize that the only way I can let you go,
was because I'd let go of all my fears of trying,
knowing I could have left before I was here.
Getting out relatively unscathed by choosing a selfish exit of an ending.

But I don't feel like a fool.
It was worth it.
You were worth it.
You are worth it.